He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
