Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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