Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
