It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
