My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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