how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Acid is not a monday night drug
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
