If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
