i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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