He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
