it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
