sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It's official drugs can't kill me
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
