i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
