My friends, they love my intelligence
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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