my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
