I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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