Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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