I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
