i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
