I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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