Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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