I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
