And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
