They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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