Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
