i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Edward fifth and chaser hands
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
