he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
