she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
