I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
