I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Randomize