i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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