I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
