I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
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