Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
