This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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