broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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