Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
