there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
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