Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
