The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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