I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
