Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
