new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
