rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize