my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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