I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
