They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
im six kinds of drunk right now
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
