well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
