I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
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Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He has the fingertips of a God
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