Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
