"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
