party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
