if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
The air taste purple.
Randomize
