Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize