oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
