Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
