he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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