where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
