The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
