But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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