If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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