guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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