Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize