omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I had to cum in my sink.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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