i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
