there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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