If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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