Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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